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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502527">An Unpleasant Part of Performing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers'>lotsofquestionslimitedanswers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be Better To You [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pre-Relationship, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:08:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is an unpleasant part of performing...often it comes in the form of thrown food and dishes. Jaskier is reminded of this while trying to earn rooms for he and Geralt for the night.</p><p>Or, Jaskier is upset after a performance goes wrong and Geralt tries to make Jaskier feel better by doing the sorts of things Jaskier does for Geralt.</p><p>Excerpt:<br/>Once they get to the innkeepers, Jaskier smiles and says, “So sorry about that. I know it is earlier than planned, but could I please take my payment now?”<br/>“You did not perform the entire time, so you can have one room instead of two.” The innkeeper to the left says, handing Jaskier a key. “On second thoughts, I’ll make arrangements for you to have a bath too.” The innkeeper looks Jaskier up and down before saying, “You need it.”<br/>Geralt watches as Jaskier’s face flushes. Jaskier nods and says, “Thank you.”<br/>Geralt needs to find a way to make this better. He tries to think of something Jaskier might like. Geralt only has a coin or two, so it will have to be cheap. “He likes bubbles.” Geralt says. “And we need medical supplies.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be Better To You [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>522</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Geralt</strong>
</p><p>The witcher and the bard stop at an inn for the night. Neither has much coin on them, so Jaskier works out a deal with the innkeepers so he can perform in exchange for lodgings for the two of them. Geralt sits in the back as Jaskier performs. Usually when Jaskier performs, Geralt tends not to pay much attention. Usually he just wants to sleep. This time, he tries to be better. Jaskier really is quite good. Of course, when he plays “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher” he looks at Geralt and has the gall to wink at him. Geralt rolls his eyes at his friend.</p><p>A few songs later, someone throws a tomato at Jaskier. Then another person throws a piece of bread at Jaskier. Geralt gets up and searches for the culprits. Jaskier continues playing.</p><p>“Begone boy!” Another patron yells, throwing a mug at Jaskier. The mug hits Jaskier in the mouth and Jaskier cries out in pain.</p><p>Nearly the rest of the patrons start to throw assorted foods and drinks at Jaskier. Someone even throws a chair at Jaskier as Jaskier runs away from where he was performing. The chair hits Jaskier in the back, sending him flying forward onto a table full of foods and drinks. The crowd laughs and jeers at Jaskier.</p><p>Geralt marches over to Jaskier, picks up Jaskier’s lute, grabs Jaskier’s arm, and pulls Jaskier to his feet. Jaskier tries to take a step forward, but nearly collapses. Geralt puts an arm around Jaskier’s middle to steady him. Then, the two make their way to the innkeepers.</p><p>Geralt looks at Jaskier. The bard’s mouth is bleeding. He has pieces of tomato in his hair, and he has ale all over his clothes. A bruise forms where Jaskier was hit by a bowl of soup. His face is bleeding in several places…probably because someone threw utensils at the bard as well. Jaskier is favoring his right leg and is clutching at his side with his free arm. Geralt can see Jaskier biting the inside of his cheek and his breathing rate is…off. Jaskier is clearly upset. It does not help that Geralt is not entirely sure that Jaskier has fully recovered from the incident on the mountaintop yesterday. Jaskier woke up with another nightmare this morning. This time he was screaming about parents. Jaskier refused to talk about it then. Geralt let it go at the time because who is he to pry into someone else’s privacy? Especially when Geralt has gotten angry at Jaskier for trying to pry into Geralt’s privacy. Now they are in this inn, Jaskier is covered in food and drink and injuries, and looks on the verge of breaking down; Geralt tries to think of something comforting to say, but nothing comes to mind.</p><p>As they approach the innkeepers, Jaskier takes a deep breath. Once they get to the innkeepers, Jaskier smiles and says, “So sorry about that. I know it is earlier than planned, but could I please take my payment now?”</p><p>“You did not perform the entire time, so you can have one room instead of two.” The innkeeper to the left says, handing Jaskier a key. “On second thoughts, I’ll make arrangements for you to have a bath too.” The innkeeper looks Jaskier up and down before saying, “You need it.”</p><p>Geralt watches as Jaskier’s face flushes. Jaskier nods and says, “Thank you.”</p><p>Geralt needs to find a way to make this better. He tries to think of something Jaskier might like. Geralt only has a coin or two, so it will have to be cheap. “He likes bubbles.” Geralt says. “And we need medical supplies.”</p><p>The innkeepers look at each other. “Okay,” the second innkeeper says. “We shall throw some extra soaps and medical supplies along with the bath.” The second innkeeper looks at Jaskier and adds, “Your performance was wonderful, dear. It’s just that it’s late and everyone is grouchy around this time.”</p><p>Geralt sees Jaskier’s mouth shake, and watches as Jaskier smiles at the second innkeeper. “Thank you for your kindness.” Jaskier says. Then Jaskier leads the way upstairs.</p><p>Once they’re in the room, Geralt shuts the door by softly kicking it. He tries to steer Jaskier to the bed so Jaskier can lie down while Geralt examines the bard’s injuries, but Jaskier protests.</p><p>“I’d rather sit on the floor. Let’s not get the bed filthy.” Jaskier says.</p><p>Geralt doesn’t argue. Instead, he helps Jaskier sit on the floor so Jaskier is leaning against the foot of the bed. Geralt sits in front of Jaskier.</p><p>“I’m sorry I could only get us one room.” Jaskier whispers in a wavering voice.</p><p>“One room is enough.” Geralt says. “It is not your fault the patrons behaved like rowdy children.”</p><p>Jaskier does not say anything in return. Jaskier will not even look at Geralt.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Geralt asks, “Where do you hurt?”</p><p>Jaskier shakes his head.</p><p>“Jaskier, I know that you are injured. You need to tell me where so I can help when we get the medical supplies.” Geralt says.</p><p>Jaskier shakes his head again.</p><p>“Would you like a rag or something for your mouth? You’re still bleeding.” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier sniffles and shakes his head.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to help you? You’re clearly hurting.” Geralt says.</p><p>Jaskier looks at Geralt with those big blue eyes of his. Right now, they’re full of pain and the beginnings of tears. Jaskier doesn’t say anything; he just stares at Geralt.</p><p>“Would you like a hug? You often like those. Would that help?” Geralt asks as he sits beside Jaskier.</p><p>“But, I’m dirty. I’ll get you dirty.” Jaskier says softly.</p><p>“That was not the question. The question was, do you want a hug?” Geralt replies.</p><p>Jaskier looks away from Geralt and goes still.</p><p>Geralt waits a few moments before asking, “Jaskier?”</p><p>A small pained sound escapes Jaskier’s mouth. Tears spill down Jaskier’s cheeks and Jaskier nods. “Please,” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>Being mindful of Jaskier’s injuries, Geralt gently wraps his arms around the bard, pulling him close as his friend begins to cry in earnest.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Jaskier</em>
</p><p>“Would you like a hug? You often like those. Would that help?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier must look like absolute shit right now if Geralt of Rivia is offering to give him a hug.</p><p>“But, I’m dirty. I’ll get you dirty.” Jaskier says softly into his knees. It hurts to talk and if he looks closely, he can see the blood from his mouth on his trousers. Perfect. Just what he needs right now.</p><p>Jaskier’s dirty. He’s grimy and disgusting and all the other awful words used to describe the unwanted filth of this world. All Jaskier wanted to do was make some money by singing. He wanted to make a livelihood of performing songs that made people happy. Is that so awful? He annoys everyone he meets. Geralt. The patrons at this inn. Other patrons at other inns. This is certainly not the first time Jaskier has been pelted with food and cups and bowls and silverware…this will not be the last either. He is usually better at ducking. He just didn’t see the mug coming. His mouth really hurts. Perhaps a tooth or two has been chipped. He has no way of finding out unless he wants to ask Geralt to take a look for him…a favor Jaskier most certainly does not want to beg of his friend, the witcher. Not that it matters that his mouth hurts. He’s covered in bruises all over thanks to the people who threw bowls and mugs at him.</p><p>“That was not the question. The question was, do you want a hug?” Geralt replies.</p><p>Jaskier feels a pang of longing in his chest. He longs to be held right now. He feels so horrible. Jaskier looks away from Geralt and blinks back tears. Jaskier’s throat hurts as he tries to hold back an onslaught of sobs. His whole body feels tense as he tries his absolute best not to cry.</p><p>After a few beats, Geralt asks, “Jaskier?”</p><p>Jaskier’s throat hurts so much that a pained sound escapes him; his cheeks burn with shame as he feels hot tears spill from his eyes, travel down onto his face and drip off his chin, wetting his knees where his chin rests on them. Jaskier cannot take it anymore and he nods, whispering, “Please.”</p><p>Jaskier just hopes Geralt understands this means he wants a hug because he is unsure that he will be able to utter another coherent word right now.</p><p>Then Jaskier feels Geralt hug him. Geralt has one strong arm wrapped around Jaskier’s middle. Geralt uses the hand of his other arm to gently guide Jaskier’s head to Geralt’s shoulder. Jaskier buries his face in Geralt’s shoulder as Geralt gently runs a hand through Jaskier’s hair.</p><p>Jaskier sobs into his friend’s shoulder for a long time. He is unsure why. Patrons throwing things at him does not usually bother him so much anymore. It is simply an unpleasant part of performing. Perhaps it was the heckler who threw the first mug who got to him. Perhaps it was because of the way the heckler yelled “Begone boy!” before hurling the mug at Jaskier’s face. Those two stupid words brought Jaskier back to when he was fifteen, being chased out of his home by his parents after announcing that he would rather train to become a singer than train to become a knight.</p><p>There is a knock on the door. Jaskier jumps.</p><p>Geralt holds Jaskier a little closer for just a second before whispering, “It’s okay.”</p><p>Jaskier feels embarrassed for jumping and buries his face deeper into Geralt’s shoulder.</p><p>“We have the bath things prepared!” Someone says.</p><p>Jaskier pulls away from Geralt. Geralt lets go of Jaskier and opens the door. Servants walk in with a large tub, four buckets full of hot water, a medical kit, and a bucket full of soaps.</p><p>“Thank you.” Geralt nods at the servants as they place the items in the back of the room and then leave. Geralt closes the door behind the servants.</p><p>While Geralt isn’t looking, Jaskier rubs his eyes with his sleeve. It hurts to even move his arms. Everything hurts. Getting hit with the chair and then crashing into the table was by far the worst of it.</p><p>“Do you need help with the bath?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Come again?</p><p>“Do I what now?” Jaskier asks.</p><p>“You help me with this all the time. Will you allow me to return the favor?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier could barely walk on his right ankle before. He twisted it when he got hit with the chair. He does not feel like falling on his face again, so he nods.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Jaskier</em>
</p><p>The bath is exactly the way Jaskier likes it: full of piping hot water and bubbles from beautiful smelling soaps. Jaskier does not know if he should be grateful or embarrassed that Geralt offered to help him bathe. It has happened a few times before, but only when Jaskier was seriously injured or sick and Geralt had nervously hovered the entire time on those occasions. This time is different. This time, Geralt is trying to make Jaskier comfortable and do things that Jaskier does for Geralt. All the attention feels good but…strange. Jaskier feels undeserving of it.</p><p>After a few minutes of Geralt cleaning Jaskier’s hair—something Jaskier does for Geralt and usually does perfectly well by himself—Jaskier finally asks, “Why are you still here?”</p><p>Geralt’s hands still in Jaskier’s soapy hair. “Because…I think right now…you might…need me.” Geralt says in a soft voice.</p><p>Jaskier’s eyes burn with new tears and he hugs his knees closer to his chest. “I fear I may need you for quite some time.” Jaskier admits in a whisper.</p><p>Geralt gives Jaskier’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “That is alright.”</p><p>“Is that not the last thing you want?” Jaskier asks, recalling a different conversation the night Jaskier enlisted Geralt to act as his bodyguard while he performed in Cintra.</p><p>“Hmm,” Is Geralt’s marvelous reply. Geralt resumes cleaning Jaskier’s hair.</p><p>Jaskier expects the conversation to be over with that grunt, but then Geralt continues to speak.</p><p>“I do not mind now. And…even though I did not like doing it, I wanted to help you in Cintra and all the times before and after that because you are my friend.”</p><p>“Why do you keep calling me your friend?”</p><p>“I have wasted too many years pretending otherwise. For that, I am sorry.”</p><p>Warmth wells up in Jaskier’s chest. New tears spill down Jaskier’s face. If Geralt notices, he says nothing. For that, Jaskier is grateful.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Jaskier's Burden, Geralt's Silent Vows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Geralt asks.<br/>Jaskier shakes his head. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying, tears are still spilling down his face just at a slower rate, and he’s trying to avoid Geralt’s gaze. Jaskier smells like sweat and tears and heartache and exhaustion.<br/>“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Geralt asks.<br/>Jaskier nods.<br/>“Can I—um, can I do anything for you?” Geralt asks.<br/>Jaskier doesn’t say anything for a few moments. Then he looks at Geralt with those wide blue eyes of his and whispers, “Hold me? Please?” His voice cracks with the last word.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Jaskier</em>
</p><p>Jaskier is sitting on the only bed in the room and contemplates the strangeness of this moment. Geralt just helped Jaskier in the bath…something Geralt has only previously done when Jaskier was deathly ill or gravely injured. After the bath, Geralt helped Jaskier dry off and put on warm clothes. Now, Geralt is sitting behind Jaskier, drying Jaskier’s hair with a towel. Geralt is being so gentle. Jaskier knew Geralt was capable of gentleness. Jaskier has seen Geralt with Roach. Jaskier has been taken care of by Geralt in emergencies. Jaskier has been held by Geralt after waking up from nightmares. Usually, such care is given when Jaskier is in extreme pain or exhausted…probably because Geralt assumes Jaskier will not remember any of it later. Then Geralt can continue to tell himself that he is keeping Jaskier at arm’s length. Jaskier knows Geralt cares…at least he <em>thought </em>Geralt cared. Then Geralt said those things on the mountain. Jaskier believes that Geralt did not mean those things, but it is hard for Jaskier to stop the doubt from creeping up his spine, sneaking into his heart…his poor, tired heart.</p><p>Truth be told, Jaskier always figured Geralt would leave one day. There is no reason for Geralt to wish for Jaskier to be his traveling companion. Jaskier is both weaker and slower than Geralt. Jaskier never stops singing, talking, or complaining while on the road with Geralt. Jaskier does not only talk to Geralt, Jaskier talks to Roach too which sometimes seems to make Geralt just a little bit jealous. Jaskier writes new songs all the time and does not stop asking Geralt for his opinion for a new lyric or rhyme. Jaskier is quite aware of how annoying he can be…but behaving never worked around his parents. They still kicked him out. Jaskier spent fifteen years trying to be the best, most obedient, son he could be for his parents, but because he refused to become a knight, his parents ran him out of their home. He refused to do <em>one thing</em> for them, and he was no longer worthy of their love…not that their love ever counted for much. Their love never protected him from his father’s wrath.</p><p>After Jaskier got run out of his home, he stopped behaving for anyone. He started sleeping with everyone who would have him…regardless of whether they had someone waiting for them at home or not; Jaskier fell in love recklessly. He started singing dirty songs in taverns and got paid in food thrown at him. He started stealing whenever he got desperate enough. He started wearing outrageous clothing he loved that his parents would have loathed to see him in. He made enemies: Valdo Marx, scorned lovers, enraged spouses of Jaskier’s former muses, the list never really ends. He spent time with muses who always threw him out in the end…they’d either realized they could do better than a poor bard or they’d simply get bored of Jaskier and move on with their lives. Jaskier never made friends…until Geralt.</p><p>“Is something on your mind, Jaskier?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier jumps. It is usually Jaskier interrupting Geralt’s train of thought…not the other way around. “Why do you ask?” Jaskier replies.</p><p>“You’re not as talkative as usual.”</p><p>“Perhaps I was enjoying the quiet.”</p><p>“Hmmm,”</p><p>Jaskier yawns as Geralt removes the towel and sets it on a chair.</p><p>“You never ate dinner. Would you like something to eat or would you prefer to sleep?” Geralt asks.</p><p>“Sleep,” Jaskier replies, gladly taking the option that allows him to avoid this awkward conversation…and he’s exhausted. He crawls under the covers, making sure to leave room for Geralt, and looks around to see Geralt roll out a sleep-pad on the floor. “What are you doing, Geralt?” Jaskier asks.</p><p>“I was letting you take the bed.” Geralt replies.</p><p>“There’s plenty of room on the bed for both of us.” Jaskier pats the empty space beside him. This would hardly be the first time they have shared a bed. Why doesn’t Geralt feel comfortable sharing with Jaskier now? Has Geralt finally realized how broken Jaskier is? Has Geralt changed his mind about not leaving him behind?</p><p>“Are you sure?” Geralt asks.</p><p>“Of course, I’m sure; why are you hesitating?” Jaskier asks as fear creeps up his spine.</p><p>“You had wanted to get two rooms, so I’d assumed you wanted to be alone. Also, you did not want to talk, so I thought you might want to be alone with your thoughts.” Geralt scrunches his eyebrows together the way he does when he’s confused.</p><p>Jaskier feels guilt drip into his veins. Geralt’s trying so hard right now and Jaskier is not helping the situation. A little anger sprinkles into the mix…maybe Geralt can understand how Jaskier feels a lot of the time. That’s not fair. Jaskier has nearly figured Geralt out by now. He’s not as confused about his witcher as he was at the beginning. Ooh…Jaskier needs to be careful. There can be none of this Jaskier’s witcher nonsense…no matter how much Jaskier wants it.</p><p>“I just figured you’d want some alone-time after…well, everything.” Jaskier explains. Jaskier never wants to be alone. Whenever Jaskier books two rooms, it is because he thinks Geralt might want some space away from Jaskier.</p><p>Geralt slips into the bed beside Jaskier. Geralt is looking right at Jaskier. He’s distractingly close. Perhaps this was a mistake. Can Geralt tell that Jaskier’s heart is speeding up from their close proximity? Somehow this seems even more intimate than Geralt helping Jaskier bathe earlier. This is getting truly ridiculous. It is never a good idea to be in love with one’s best friend. Jaskier would never recommend this to anyone. Jaskier aches to ask Geralt to hold him because Jaskier just knows he’s bound to wake up with a nightmare and maybe, just maybe, he won’t have nightmares if Geralt holds him…that would never work. Jaskier has been held by numerous muses and Jaskier still had nightmares. The one who can calm Jaskier the best after a nightmare is Geralt though…Jaskier has never been sure why. It does not matter. Jaskier cannot make himself a bigger burden than he already is by asking Geralt to hold him. That will only make everything worse.</p><p>“I do not wish for alone-time.” Geralt says. His voice is <em>so soft</em> and he says it while looking straight into Jaskier’s eyes. He means it.</p><p>Jaskier’s heart stutters and he nearly forgets how to breathe.</p><p>“I guess me messing up earlier ultimately benefited both of us.” Jaskier jokes even though it hurts to think about how much of a failure he is.</p><p>Geralt frowns. “No. You did not mess up. The audience was cruel.” There’s something in Geralt’s eyes that Jaskier could swear is fierce protectiveness…but that is probably wishful thinking on Jaskier’s part.</p><p>“If you say so,” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>“I do say so.” Geralt says firmly.</p><p>“Okay Geralt. Goodnight.” Jaskier manages to send a small smile Geralt’s way.</p><p>“Goodnight Jaskier.” Geralt smiles back at Jaskier.</p><p>It takes a long time to relax, but Jaskier finally drifts off to sleep.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Geralt</strong>
</p><p>Geralt lies beside Jaskier and wishes he could ease his friend’s pain. Geralt wishes he didn’t cause so much of it. Clearly Geralt’s words on the mountain dredged up some painful memories for Jaskier. Geralt wishes he could take back those cruel words, but he cannot. He can only apologize and try to make up for them through his actions. Geralt has always been terrible with words, so this is not a problem that can be solved with more words on Geralt’s part. He might make this worse if he tries to use words.</p><p>Geralt sighs and briefly wonders how long he can watch his friend sleep before it becomes creepy. Jaskier’s curled up beside Geralt. Somehow in Jaskier’s sleep, Jaskier ended up rolling into Geralt and burying his face in Geralt’s shoulder. Jaskier does things like this often and usually Geralt feels annoyed by such actions. This time Geralt finds the action endearing…perhaps because he almost pushed the bard away forever. Usually Geralt questions Jaskier’s motives for touching him. Of course, Jaskier usually does such things while awake. He didn’t this time which Geralt finds odd.</p><p>Geralt is also at a loss for what to do about Jaskier burying his face in Geralt’s shoulder. He is conflicted about whether he should wrap an arm around the bard or leave him be. Surely, he should hold his friend close when his friend is hurting; yes? But, Jaskier did this while asleep, so it seems wrong somehow…what if Jaskier wakes up in Geralt’s arms and is angry with Geralt? That does not sound like Jaskier, but Geralt cannot take the risk. Creepy or not, Geralt does continue to watch over his friend in his sleep. Jaskier’s face is blocked by his hair, Jaskier’s snoring softly, his breathing is even, and his hands are very close to Geralt’s arm—almost as if Jaskier’s reaching out for Geralt. Perhaps Geralt should pull the bard close. No. He cannot do that; it may scare Jaskier.</p><p>Geralt thinks about the events of the evening; those patrons were so rude. The thought of Jaskier having things thrown at him for performing fills Geralt with anger and something…else. He felt it when Jaskier blamed himself for not getting them two rooms for the night and joked that his failure benefited Geralt and Jaskier after all. Geralt recalls the pain in Jaskier’s eyes when he said it. If only Geralt could protect Jaskier from that pain. It’s an unrealistic wish, but he wishes he could save Jaskier from the harsh realities of life. If anyone deserves to be saved from that, it’s happy, kind, brave…stupid, impulsive, Jaskier who reminds Geralt of sunshine and dandelions and buttercups. Jaskier, who should never be subjected to a fate as cruel as knowing a witcher is in love with him. Jaskier, who deserves a better friend than the one Geralt has been over these years.</p><p>Geralt’s train of thought is interrupted by Jaskier who begins to squirm beside Geralt.</p><p>“No!” Jaskier’s breathing faster now. “Stop!” Jaskier whimpers. “Please.”</p><p>Geralt feels a wave of protectiveness wash over him. He gently shakes Jaskier’s shoulder and says, “Jaskier? Wake up. You’re dreaming.”</p><p>Jaskier opens his eyes and lets out a cry of surprise. He lunges away from Geralt, but nearly falls off the bed. Geralt reaches out and steadies Jaskier.</p><p>“It’s okay. It’s me.” Geralt says without thinking.</p><p>“Geralt?” Jaskier whispers, studying Geralt’s face with wide, tear-filled eyes.</p><p>“Yes,” Geralt replies.</p><p>“I thought I was at—" Jaskier’s voice cuts off with a sob and he buries his face in Geralt’s shoulder.</p><p>Geralt feels shock for a moment. Then Geralt gathers Jaskier into his arms and says, “I don’t know where you thought you were, but you’re safe here Jaskier.”</p><p>Jaskier hugs Geralt back tightly. He’s shaking.</p><p>Geralt runs a hand through his friend’s hair and waits for him to calm down.</p><p>Several minutes go by but finally, Jaskier pulls away and wipes his face across his shirtsleeve.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier shakes his head. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying, tears are still spilling down his face just at a slower rate, and he’s trying to avoid Geralt’s gaze. Jaskier smells like sweat and tears and heartache and exhaustion.</p><p>“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier nods.</p><p>“Can I—um, can I do anything for you?” Geralt asks.</p><p>Jaskier doesn’t say anything for a few moments. Then he looks at Geralt with those wide blue eyes of his and whispers, “Hold me? Please?” His voice cracks with the last word.</p><p>“Okay,” Geralt says. Geralt wishes he could tell Jaskier that he would do anything for him, and he is so sorry for all the pain he has caused Jaskier over the years. Perhaps he will tell Jaskier that one day, but now is not the time.</p><p>They lie back down and Geralt pulls Jaskier close. Jaskier nestles his face into Geralt’s chest with one hand fisted in Geralt’s shirt. The other is over Geralt’s heart. Geralt does not know what to make of that. It was probably an accident on Jaskier’s part. Why would Jaskier want his hand anywhere near Geralt’s disgusting mutant heart?</p><p>“Thank you for taking care of me.” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>Geralt pulls Jaskier a little closer and whispers, “Anything for my friend.”</p><p>He should not make promises like this, but he cannot seem to help himself when it comes to Jaskier. It takes all Geralt’s strength not to place a kiss on the top of Jaskier’s head. Geralt cannot do that to Jaskier. He cannot let Jaskier know he loves him in that way. Jaskier could never love Geralt back but even if Jaskier did, it would be cruel of Geralt to subject Jaskier to the life of loving a witcher.</p><p>“I do not mean to be a burden but…thank you for bearing it anyway.” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>“You are not a burden.” Geralt struggles to find the words. “You bring good. So much good. It counteracts any bad that may come with you. I bring plenty of bad. You help with that.”</p><p>“So, you’re saying we help each other?” Jaskier asks.</p><p>“Yes. You help a lot.” Geralt says. He wishes he could be better with words.</p><p>Jaskier nuzzles his face further into Geralt’s chest. “You’re too good to me, Geralt.” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>“No, I’m really not.” Geralt replies, hating himself because it’s true. Jaskier deserves so much better than Geralt.</p><p>“Yes, you are.” Jaskier whispers.</p><p>Geralt sighs and listens to Jaskier’s breathing as the bard falls asleep. When Jaskier is asleep, Geralt allows himself to carefully lean his face into Jaskier’s hair and fall asleep that way. Before Geralt drifts off, he vows to himself that he will never do anything else to send Jaskier away. He will become a better traveling companion for Jaskier. He will also do his best to make sure no one ever throws anything at Jaskier ever again. He knows he cannot keep that part of the vow. So, he amends it. He will spend more time telling Jaskier how much he loves to listen to him sing and make music. Geralt always misses it when Geralt is alone. Jaskier always makes Geralt feel less alone. <em>That</em> is the greatest blessing life can give Geralt.</p>
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